


How I Wonder What you are!

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Canon, Future, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-10-11
Updated: 2005-10-11
Packaged: 2018-12-27 10:35:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12079347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: I actually liked the series end.  Kind of perfect actually.  So people change and split and move and change some more and life just goes the f*** on.  Deal.  And they do.





	How I Wonder What you are!

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

The grass is cold under his bare feet and it occurs to Brian that he can’t remember the last time he felt grass on the bottom of his feet. For that matter, when was the last time he walked through a yard or field donning any type of footwear? _Too long._ The front of his eyes hurt. He realizes that his chest is tight and his cheeks are hot. He is tired in a way that he doesn’t understand and can’t describe. It isn’t that he isn’t getting enough sleep either. But, now that he thinks about it, he can’t remember when the last time he went to bed before two or slept after six. He watches absently as Gus runs up to a lady walking her dog and yells half-heartedly for him to be careful and to “ask the dog’s mommy first.” He finds a spot to sit on the grass and doesn’t cringe when the dampness creeps through the pockets of his favorite jeans.

It barely registers when Gus plops down beside him and lays his head in his lap. Brian runs his fingers through the soft kid-hair and nods absently at Gus’s recount of the dog and it’s mommy--the play-by-play always taking four times as long as the actual encounter. “He looked like a nice doggy.” Encourages Gus to start again and retell the story. Brian doesn’t notice the questions he is filing away to ask when he drops Gus back off with his moms. It is day three of a three-day visit and Brian has had his fill of being a dad. Not that he doesn’t love Gus. Not that he doesn’t want to be a dad or have a role in the kid’s life. Not that Gus isn’t pretty dam special. No, it’s just that he is used to his solitary and childless world. He is comfortable there. And he is a little homesick for it now, after three solid days of being the special guest. Within an hour of his arrival, Gus had drug out every toy he owned and shown it to Brian. Then he had helped him clean them up. Then Gus had talked non-stop about how his daddy had played with all his toys and then put them all away. 

_At least he isn’t old enough to ask a million impossible questions._

“Daddy, where are your mommies?”

_Until now that is._

“Well, sonnyboy, that is a great question. You see. Daddy is a big boy now and he doesn’t live with a mommy anymore.”  
“Is Justin a big boy now too?”  
“Yes, Justin is a big boy.” _Where did that come from and where is it going? He hasn’t seen Justin in a couple of years. I didn’t even think he remembered Justin._ “Justin doesn’t live with his mommy anymore, either. He lives in New York.”

“But he lived with you daddy.” 

“I know Gus, but that was a long time ago. Why are you asking about Justin all of the sudden?” 

_Seriously, I mean, it isn’t a fresh wound or anything, but it is kind of out of nowhere._

“Because you aren’t going to be his daddy anymore. I don’t live with you. Are you still my daddy?”

_Ding Ding Ding. And the sucker punch winner is: Gus Peterson._ “Of course. I will be your daddy forever Gus. I love you very much and I will always love you. Just because I don’t live in Toronto—“

“Mikey lives in Toronto.”

“I know, but—“

“Ben lives here too.”

“Yes, but I live in Pittsburg and I am still your daddy.”

“Because you love me.”

“Yes, because I love you.”

“And you don’t love Justin anymore.”

“Justin and I – You –“ _Dammit. There is no good way to reply to that._ “Just because Justin doesn’t live in Pittsburg anymore, doesn’t mean that I don’t love him.”

“Just like me?”

_Okay, now that is just wrong._ “No, not just like you. I love you so much Gus. You are my son. Justin isn’t my son. Justin is—was—used to be—well, like Ben is to Mikey.” 

“Justin was your other daddy?”

_Close enough._ “Yes, Justin was my other daddy.”


End file.
